So yesterday I had a really bad migraine. I was working when it hit like a ton of bricks. Major pain, nausea and dizziness. Luckily my boss allowed me to go home and take the rest of the day off. I only worked 4 hours (Understand my boss is my dad. Also I live at home and working on moving out).
So I went home. Dad showes up later and asks how I’m doing I say so so, and then my mom made some political joke about how I don’t have to work, if I don’t want to or like it. Dad said that rule didn’t apply and I said yes it does. He then jumps in and says that doesn’t apply to you because you’re family. He also went on to joke about me living at home and saying he would kick me out and told my mom to throw my stuff out the window. When I said there were rules against that. He again said they didn’t apply to me cause again I’m family. I get he was joking (or attempting at that) but when I’m in pain I have no desire to joke.
Ugh it’s so annoying when people don’t have any sympathy. Migraines are no fun. I ended up sleeping most of the day and using an ice pack just to relieve symptoms. Anyone else get little to no sympathy, and picked on, or have inconsiderate jokes (or attempted jokes) made??
“Oh its just a headache. Take some advil and get back to work”
No….no see I called it a migraine cause it’s a migraine. There’s a separate word called migraine that is, in fact, not a headache. Yes my head aches but it is much more than that. Thanks for coming to my TED talk and fuck off.
People can be really intolerant of things they don’t understand. That’s not funny and I’m sorry that’s happening to you. I’ve definitely had people be dismissive of certain parts of my migraine troubles, but nothing this bad from people that close to me. Hang in there.
Yes. People can be very condescending. I stay away from people during a migraine.
I totally relate. I live with my parents as well and it’s not unusual for me to come home with a mild migraine that immediately gets worse and comments of “you always have a headache.” Bro, I know why do you think I see a neurologist and am on these medications.
I’m sorry OP. I would say you could mention to them how it makes you feel, but I don’t think it would help much as I feel they wouldn’t take it seriously. Best of luck.
I literally don’t even communicate with anyone when I have a migraine because there’s almost no way that they’re going to get a nice answer from me.
This so much. My mom always refers to them as “headaches”..
Something that made my blood boil was when I helped my big sister with something when I had a migraine. If she wouldn’t have needed me I’d be in a dark room in bed. I said I wasn’t feeling well to begin with, and when it became too much and I needed to go I told her. And she was like, ‘ok lol sure. thats not a migraine my friend gets them and she basically cant do anything while she has them’ .. I wanted to cry but I felt so drained so the only thing I said was ‘that’s so hurtful’. Like I felt like SHIT when I was helping her and then she questions me. Yay for me I guess.
You should not have to deal with this. Parents having own troubles is often the reason. Not an excuse though.
Aaaaaand those are the people I like to vomit loudly in front of.
I’m sorry you’re having to put up with that treatment.
I work alone and have no SO. My migraines are a pretty solitary experience, which definitely has a set of issues of its own.
I have been extremely lucky through my life when I was working outside of the home. It seemed I always had a boss or manager that knew someone with migraines.
But, school was a nightmare. I started getting migraines when I was 7. The dismissive attitude of teachers and administrators when I was experiencing so much pain at an age where I hadn’t been diagnosed and had no idea what was wrong, had life long effects on me. It lead me to feel shame over my migraines for years.
I’ve also been unfortunate enough to be in relationships where partners thought migraines were just a way for me to get out of things, or just stopped caring about supporting me when I needed a bit of help in any way. And I really never even asked for much because again, I’ve had this issue since I was 7.
It’s definitely messed me up on some levels. I’ve accepted being alone because I just don’t think anyone will ever be here for me. There’s a lot of effects that I don’t think people really understand when they are dismissive towards people. It can really bring people down mentally.
Anyway, I’m really down just getting through a migraine today wishing I had someone around who could just grab me some food and gatorade. So I’m rambling and going off topic a bit.
When I was still in school, I tended to get migraines at parties, around midnight -1 a.m. It was weekend, I had some alcohol, I relaxed, BOOM. Since I lived in the countryside, we shared rides. Now, try to get the others to leave with you at 1 a.m. – which was 3hrs early from our normal time.
So, I was standing in the middle of a club with stroboscope light, blaring music and cigarette smoke (smoking inside a club was common then) and people were asking me to stay another hour and not make a face. I was drunk, disoriented, overwhelmed and later numbed by all the ibuprofen my friends could find in their pockets.
My sister got a migraine years later and apologised profusely about accusing me of exaggeration 10 years prior.
You are always having a headache.
That’s not new.
It’s convenient for you to not do anything because of your headache.
These are the ones I get
‘it’s just a headache’
That has nothing to do with migraine. It’s just poor dynamics in family.
I speak on my personal experience, when i say that the first time my parents started to even hint the fact that they are going to use my staying home as a leverage to control me, i packed my bags and left. Never went back.
That is the only way, nobody can control you.
I also have no filter for jokes when I’m in pain. It’s hard to handle it and especially when they don’t understand.
Probably unpopular, but I think it needs to be said:
I don’t need or want sympathy.
I want some understanding and to be left the hell alone.
If you’re that bad off, don’t hang around and chat and argue with people.
If you’re that bad off with pain and symptoms, show it.
It sucks to have to manage your appearance, but that’s the way it is, especially with migraines.
Sometimes people won’t believe you, and that sucks too.
You got the time off, and his first thought when he got home was to ask how you were.
This says that you did get sympathy, and even concern hours later.
A bland “So so” is signaling that you’re somewhat better. You don’t really tend to get sympathy when you’re better. That’s defacto permission to not treat you like you’ve got an active migraine.
Don’t say “so so” if you’re better but still suffering some, instead, say something like, “Better than I was, but still pretty rough.”
This post comes across more as unclear communication and personal issues than being treated poorly.
I have migraines every day. People are just used to me being in constant pain. People don’t really notice anymore until my balance gets messed up enough I can barely walk.
Your family sounds… Not great. Those aren’t normal jokes. Those cross lines by bringing up taking away basic human safety and security needs.
YES. Those around me choose to be ignorant and gaslighty.
Your Dad sounds like an asshole. I’m so sorry you have to put up with that.
Migraines are often used by lazy people to get out of work, so it undermines people who actually have migraines. It’s also hard for people to empathize when they’ve never experienced the horror. I’ve had bosses that straight up refuse to believe me and tried to make me work
Same thing for me, but at home.
Yes, unfortunately. People think “it’ll just go away.” I’m actually on a daily medication for them; I get vertigo with mine. They’re under control thankfully but it is hard when people don’t understand them. “Work through it.” It’s like saying to someone “work through the stomach bug. You’ll be fine.”
My mom still thinks all my migraine symptoms are just anxiety and that I’m poisoning my body with medication I don’t need.
I don’t live with my mom, she lives with me, so I still hear this from her daily though.
My boss sent me home once after telling me to never look that sick again.
It’s funny, my girlfriend of 4 years will just go “hmm” when I say I have a migraine because it’s so common at this point. But the other day I said my stomach hurt and I wasn’t acting myself, and I swear I got so much from her lol. She was asking how I felt, and if it was any better, if she could get me anything, etc.
Sometimes people just assume that because we get them so frequently it mustn’t be a big deal to them either.
Yes I can totally relate. Since I suffer often, people say you always have a migraine like it’s my fault somehow. My friend had the nerve to say I was no fun to drink with because I got a migraine the next day. Im so sorry my pain caused you not to have a good time. It’s gotten to the point that I recently got my daith pierced hoping for some relief. I prefer not to be around people unless I have to be. I want to go to work, come home, walk my dog and be done for the day.
This last thursday was one of the first times I have received as much sympathy and gratitude while I had a migraine. I pushed through a migraine while being at the praise team practice because I had a “job” to do their and it would have been super short notice if I didn’t show up. They were extremely grateful for me and I didn’t fully know how to react because that just doesn’t happen ever.
Of course! Whenever I had a migraine and I was in my job place I’d not talk to anybody.
Also I feel that life is super hard when I have the migraine, and I wont be able to work 9-5 till I retire. This pain creates different negative thoughts.
So I’m still not sure I agree with my diagnosis of “vestibular migraines” but it’s awful for me. Because I just got over a spell that lasted 29 days where I was dizzy every. Single. Day. All. Day. I get headaches off and on, but I’m dizzy and out of it 15-20 days out of the month. While my family is good for the most part about understanding, you can tell sometimes my GF gets frustrated. I can’t blame her. I can’t go out for drinks, lunch, vacation. It sucks. Planning something nice is hit or miss as to whether I can stick to it. So yeah, I feel your pain.
I get migraines that essentially are temporary strokes (all the symptoms of a stroke but without the long-term effects). I get auras that are basically warning signs that I am going to be completely incapacitated in less than an hour. My managers and boss all know how serious these are (I told them they are on the same tier as MS and epilepsy, they are that bad), and I would always tell them if I felt an aura. They would make me be on the cash register as my body slowly loses its ability to function (comprehending English, slurring words, paralysis etc.) until I would literally collapse as I enter the final stage of my aura and into the migraine phase. At which point, they would call my mom to remove me from the store and take me home. Rinse and repeat about a dozen or more times. I have hit my head on the counters or the walls when I fall, and they still continued to do this.
I also got “demoted” twice because my migraines were “liabilities”.
I don’t work there anymore.
Question: Is your dad always like this? Or can he be reasoned with or willing to hear your perspective on how hurtful that was and how he did it at a time when you were at your most vulnerable and couldn’t really defend yourself? You’re mom’s not off the hook for me either. It sounds to me like she only fueled the fire instead of defending you, again, while you were in no condition to defend yourself. I wouldn’t ever feel safe in an environment like that. I hope you can find a place of your own soon OP. You don’t deserve to have such terrible parents and you might even thrive on your own where you can retreat to a quiet place and recover from your migraine attacks.
I always recommend having a serious sit down with your parents and tell them about how that sort of talk around you, especially when you are in pain, seriously hurts especially when it’s coming from people who are supposed to have your best interests in mind. Sometimes that’s enough to get them to understand and back off, sometimes it doesn’t, but it is always worth a try and you can’t say you didn’t try to educate them.
I wish you all the luck in the world OP, I feel like you are going to need it.
Yeah…its annoying. Most of the time I have 1-3 times a month migraine and I always hope its on weekend because a lot of people in my job don’t understand that I can’t work at this moment. So its always uncomfortable for me. I always gaves me a feeling that I am a liar or just lazy. I hate it…
When you’re feeling better you really need to sit them down and have a talk. They probably don’t realise how they’re “joking” affects you. Unfortunately migraines are not part of most people’s experience, so they don’t really understand. I’m sure they love you and in the end don’t want to be the thing that causes you more pain. It’s hard, but be honest (in as kind, non confrontive and blaming way as you can). If you don’t, it could just continue.
If this makes you feel any better my boyfriend and I have had to discuss a few different times that him wanting silence because for some reason it took me a long time believing he was actually having them and it wasn’t just me annoying him..
So if I have to stop being selfish, so do your parents. Speak up before you get too much older please. I was more than understanding when he explained the symptoms and pain levels. 💕
But if they don’t you know what to do.
If you can find a different job and a different home it would probably make your life more pleasant.